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Cutchogue, March 11, 2020

Like most historical events, I think we all will remember where we were when COVID was declared a global pandemic and everything shut down. It was early March 2020, I was sitting on our third floor with my three-year-old and one-year-old sons nearly 4 months pregnant with my third son. The news came that everyone needed to stay in place and shut down for two weeks to stop the spread.

Well, two weeks turned into two years.

About two months prior to this, my husband and I had made a huge life transition to change careers and move permanently from NYC to our home on the North Fork of Long Island. This had been our dream for years, but we could never wrap our heads around how to make it happen with demanding careers and no clear path out of the NY hustle. A surprise pregnancy and what I would consider being a divine intervention in work situations was the kick we needed to take the risk.

Suddenly, while I thought I was going to be rebuilding my professional life as a pariah from the workaholic world that I knew for so many years, it seemed as though everyone else was joining me. Work from home? Not strange! Children running around in the background? We’re all in the same boat! New business? Everyone is a solopreneur!

The desire of my heart to create change in the intersections of work and life, brands and meaning, leadership and stakeholders, consumerism and wellness were front and center in everyone’s lives. To be honest, the demand and relevance were overwhelming. What was supposed to be just two weeks of discovery through a moment of peace from external demands turned into two years of navigating the unknown and watching as pieces fell apart and then back together by a higher power, a creator, and the author of my story…our story.

Fall Apart to Fall Together

The best metaphor I have for the last two years is like looking at hundreds of pieces of a puzzle on the ground and thinking I know what the puzzle is supposed to look like. So, I spent endless amounts of time and energy picking up one piece and trying to put it with another only to realize the pieces didn’t fit together at all. Then, as I would consciously put each piece down and just let go, the pieces seemed to come together to form a completely different puzzle than my original vision. A much better picture! A picture I couldn’t have dreamt up even though the puzzle pieces were the same.

Things had to fall apart to fall together.

There are still plenty of puzzle pieces sitting on the floor that I am not sure of how they contribute (or if they ever will), and that’s ok. Perhaps some of those pieces are fragments from old pictures that don’t matter any longer.

Between my personal experience and what I observe in the world, it seems like this is happening on micro to macro levels.

I wrote a blog post on April 6, 2020, called Goodbye Normal. Here is an excerpt:

I don’t know what my new “normal” will be as I move on, but I do know it won’t be exclusively mine. It will be whatever is collectively learned as humanity moves through this pandemic and beyond it. Likely, there may not be a new “normal” and we may need to be prepared to evolve and grow through and beyond foundations of economy, society, government, etcetera. Perhaps “normal” will simply be the awareness that we are connected and that we need to work together to survive. We have to be willing to experiment to find the new ways of operating in life and work. This is a rare moment in history when humanity can shift into new methods of remote work, health care, public services, and so forth. We need leadership in global decision rooms who aren’t committed to getting back to “normal” because you are no longer possible.

Now, in a reflective state, I am wondering if we have found our way to a new normal yet? Or are we still fighting change to find some way back to what we thought was working? Are we allowing the pieces to fall apart in order to fall back together in a better design? Perhaps one that works for more people?

I feel a constant tension between those who don’t know how to move forward and those who refuse to go back. I believe generations play a part in this as well. Those who led businesses up until 2020 are getting a quick lesson on the preferences and power of younger millennials and gen z in the workforce and as consumers. Those of us “geriatric millennials” who may have climbed our way to the C-Suite before the world shut down have gotten a taste of a “new normal” that has the potential to alleviate some of the pain we have been experiencing for so long where dissonance was numbed by the dysfunction of all of the systems we were operating in. It was expected and normal to “lean in” and suffer the imbalance of work and home, the endless hustle, the wasted hours of life to commute, to be the first in and the last out, to prove ourselves to an older generation of leader who constantly reinforced “relentlessness” and the fight to “be in the room.”

Where Are We Now

Our priorities have shifted. Once people get the taste of change, it’s impossible to ask them to go back. No half-baked hybrid work plan will suffice. Free lunches and snack bars aren’t going to numb the awakened taste buds. People don’t want food or even money (alone) to go back to where they were. Of course, reality means we all need to work, but, more importantly, we all want to CONTRIBUTE to a better picture.

The puzzle we all were trying to hold together - even if it cost us way too much in our dimensions of life - fell apart over the past two years. The pieces shattered into a million pieces, and they can’t be put back into the same picture.

I’ve never been where I am now, and the world hasn’t either. It’s new territory. So, let’s stop trying to put the pieces back together with old lenses and thinking that wasn’t serving anyone. The intersections of work and life, brands and meaning, leadership and stakeholders, consumerism and wellness should not be intersections AT ALL. These should be avenues that go together in the same direction.

1. Work and life should complement one another. How can we live a life where work dominates every other dimension?

2. Meaning is the only reason brands are in business. Why, how, and what are businesses producing or serving to measurably improve people’s lives?

3. Leaders are only leaders for stakeholders! Since when does leadership mean anything besides the measure of what the stakeholders require from them?

4. We should only consume what is improving our wellness. For decades we’ve been running on hamster wheels trying to buy CRAP that doesn’t improve ANYTHING. (See point #2 to understand the responsibility business plays in our consumeristic society.)

In Summation

As I digest my daily diet of media every morning, I still read articles full of dated thinking and arguments against the future of work and life. It pains me to see how many people resist the journey between where we’ve been and where we are going. Patience is a virtue, and I am well aware that are never going to arrive at some utopia destination. There will always be room for change and room for growth, and there will always be backsliding and battles and disappointments.

We need leaders who are patient, strong, and wise through these transitions. Leaders, in business and in the world, need to be anchored to something deeper and show integrity in their actions.

Alexis means “defender of mankind” and that is what I believe I am here to do. To call out the things that are not serving us, to defend what really matters, to anchor to first principles, and to be honest about the messy, the beautiful, and everything in between. I am an advocate for people, and I contribute by trying to build good businesses that do good work.

My puzzle is still not a full picture in my eyes, but I know it’s a complete picture in the end. Just the way I know everything that is messy in the world right now, fits together somehow. Let’s just not try to go back to old visions. Progress is moving forward, not backward. Sometimes that means we have to let go of the pieces we can’t fit together any longer.

I’ll sign off with the amazing lyrics to Adele’s “Hello” because every time I hear this song I don’t think of a broken relationship with someone else. I think of me a few years ago, and every time I try to call, she’s no longer home.

Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call, you never seem to be home

It’s a journey. Let the pieces fall where they may, and be well.

Personal branding is the conscious and intentional effort to create and influence public perception of an individual by positioning them as an authority in their industry, elevating their credibility, and differentiating themselves from the competition, to ultimately advance their career, increase their circle of influence, and have a larger impact. (source)

You may be someone, but you’re actually no one unless you’re BRANDED…

FUN FACT: The term “branding” derives from the Old Norse word brandr or "to burn," and refers to the practice of branding livestock, which dates back more than 4,000 years to the Indus Valley.

(I knew I was a farmer at heart.)

That’s right. Like cows being branded by their owners, you need a clear personal identification to stand out (or fit in?) in today’s world. Since we’re now in a culture run by social media, clearly defining and communicating your personal brand has become a strategic focus for staying “true” to yourself while also standing out in a sea of sameness. Who are you? What do you stand for? What are your talents? Why should I listen to you or at least feel motivated to obsessively follow your tweets, stories, TikToks…?

In other words, what’s YOUR BRAND?

And, yet, of course, like everything else in this oversaturated and overstimulated content world, something that should be naturally evident has become a formula to manipulate and contrive. Only share what fits a predefined and manufactured personal brand, only use branded filters on your photos and videos, and only share content related to this subject matter. Define your box, and stay inside! Even being “unbranded” has become a brand identity. The raw and unfiltered identity is, in fact, an identity. Somehow we’ve formulated the equivalent of templates for successful personal brands. One size fits all is not the right approach here.

Here’s the thing, personal brands do exist and always have as long as humans have been around. We’re all created unique. No two people are the same. I call that a brand. Our experiences, talents and gifts all add up to a story that can never be someone else’s.

However, this “brand” is evolving, changing, reacting and growing according to our personal human experience. We weren’t meant to stay in a branded box. I shutter at the thought of sticking to an identity I created in my teens, 20’s or even 30’s (I’m still in my 30’s, but I’m kissing 40). Heck, I am wildly different than who I was just over two years ago. That’s the beauty of the journey of life.

“The human mind always makes progress, but it is progress in spirals.”

Madame de Staël

So, if we can’t build our personal brand off of any other person or any predefined box, and we can’t anchor ourselves to an identity that we have been in the past, what is at the core to build from? What is #myBrand?

This is where I connect to the personal resources and living a life of integrity, where our connections, actions, attention, and intentions are a reflection of our personal core values.

There have been moments (or years) where I felt like a rudderless ship. My attention, actions and connections didn’t reflect the deeper me. In other words, my outer life was not a painting of my inner life. When I live my life on a solid foundation of values that define who I am, I can morph and mold into whatever necessary and still represent something steady and solid. Waves can hit and storms can come, and I can pivot more times than a tech company, but the foundational truth (or first principle) of who I am can still shine through. Personally, I have spent a lot of my journey seeking, knocking and asking for more clarity of my core values. If you’re like me, you may have been raised with a wonderful foundation for a value system, but I believe that value systems can be passed down either be emulated or to be owned. In order to own your personal core values, they have to be put to the test. For the outer life to be anchored, the inner life has to be more real than the human experience.

There is a lot more to unpack here (and I hope to in future posts), but I want to use this post to stay focused on the idea around personal branding. I want to encourage everyone 1) to call BS on all the hoopla surrounding defining a personal brand in our consumeristic society, it’s just another way to try to fit us into demographics to sell to, and 2) to not try to build your brand on who you have been or limit yourself to your past or current human experience. Your talents, gifts and experiences can inform your contribution to the world. They can help you find your passions and potentially reveal your most successful opportunities, but even these should not be the core of your identity. Good things becoming ultimate things is the recipe for disaster. For me, my work and service to others have been idols in the past, and this only led to abuse, identity crisis, and burnout. (Thankfully, as all things in life, these experiences have also brought me to this point, so I am a witness to the fact that failures and trials can be our greatest blessings.)

Spend the time to search for the core values that inform your intentions, where you put your attention, the actions you take, and the connections you make. That is a journey worth taking, and before you know it, your outer life will be a reflection of the things you want others to see and experience when their lives touch yours.

That is a personal brand worth investing in.

Be well.

Alexis

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

I've heard this statement my whole life, but it never meant anything to me until I actually began to learn about nutrition as an adult. As a product of the '80s, '90s, and 2000s in America, I was used to food being accessible, convenient, and completely misbranded. After a childhood full of Kellogg's, Kraft, Entenmann's, and Hostess, my teenage years were full of "health food" fads that ranged from fat-free to carb-free to sugar-free, and everything in between. It is truly dizzying to recall all of the things I thought were "healthy," especially as a mind-warped model where being healthy was actually a code word for being skinny.

My motivations have changed over the years, and my understanding of nutrition has grown, partly because I was passionate about the subject matter, but mainly out of necessity to get my hormones in check after years of abuse. I wanted children...badly...and that took precedence over all other motivations when it came to food.

FAD DIETS

I went through a recent (within the last two years) obsessive trial of many of the current trends: whole-food plant-based, paleo, keto, fasting, circadian rhythm, and the Bulletproof Diet. Where I have come out is not the point. I'm sticking to nature and what I believe God created for us to eat, and I find true freedom in not trying to put that into a marketed man-made box…aka a “diet.”

CLOSE TO NATURE

Coming full circle, knowledge has proven what only seems obvious when exercising first-principles thinking. Eat as close to nature as possible. This means organic produce, more fruits, more vegetables, more whole grains, fewer animal products, pastured animal products, seeds, good natural fats...you get the picture.

Clean foods are minimally processed and come directly from nature. We should be aiming for whole foods that are free of additives, colorings, flavorings, sweeteners, and hormones. One simple trick: look for one-word ingredients as much as possible. It should concern us when the ingredient list is as long as a novel and has more unrecognizable and unpronounceable words than not. There is also strong evidence that the closer to nature you eat, the fewer calories it will take for you to feel satisfied.

The point is YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. Literally. So, eat what you think will care for the only permanent house you'll have as long as you're here on Earth. Your body is a vessel.

Eat well and be well.

Ahhh, sleep. 😴For many parents out there, the idea feels like a distant dream. I know parents who have taken turns sleeping at hotels! 😂 I honestly think I would lose sleep feeling a self-imposed pressure to enjoy room service, watch documentaries, read a great book, and soak up whatever other amenities a hotel could provide. To each her own, I guess (and I recognize my own crazy by this point… we’re all on a journey…)!

I am currently sleep training my seven-month-old and I have a four-year-old and a two-year-old who have mastered the early wake-up call, so the thought of a solid night of sleep evades me. However, I have never needed excess sleep. Eight hours would tend to make me feel worse than six, but nothing beats uninterrupted hours in deep REM.

I would share some tips for sleep training, but I have learned with three boys that there is no one-size-fits-all method. Each of my boys has been completely unique - likely a result of both nature and nurture. My eldest only napped ON us, and he was a tough one to get to sleep in his own bed. Finally, at four years old, he falls asleep immediately in his bunk bed with his younger brother’s soothing presence below. My two-year-old, however, walks himself to his bed to nap, pushes me away after one kiss, and tells me to close the door on my way out. He knows sleep and he savors it. Wise kid. We’ll see where my third son pans out. Currently, he’s a great napper, but he also craves to nurse and snuggle somewhere between 4 am and 6 am every night.

Constantly going in and out of sleep for a baby and waking up early for young children is a tough place to be, but I know this phase will pass. Quality sleep will always be a primary focus for our entire family, and I think the evidence shows that kids who sleep well are healthier and happier. As are parents!

SLEEP AND OUR HEALTH

In 2021, it’s hard to imagine that anyone needs proof that sleep and physical wellness go hand-in-hand, but here is a great infographic to give an overview of some of the effects of sleep deprivation. Needless to say, it puts our physical wellness at real risk.

Sleep helps us to consolidate and store memories, process emotions, replenish glucose (the molecule that fuels the brain) and clear out beta-amyloid (the waste product that builds up in Alzheimer’s patients and disrupts cognitive activity). Insufficient sleep and fatigue lead to poor judgment, lack of self-control, and impaired creativity.

It's no secret that sleep is a major part of physical wellness, and here are some more reasons why:

• Poor sleep is linked to higher body weight

• Good sleepers tend to eat fewer calories

• Good sleep can improve concentration and productivity

• Good sleep can maximize athletic performance

• Poor sleepers have a greater risk of heart disease and stroke

• Sleep affects glucose metabolism and type 2 diabetes risk

• Poor sleep is linked to depression

• Sleep improves your immune function

• Poor sleep is linked to increased inflammation

• Sleep affects emotions and social interactions

LACK OF SLEEP = POOR MANAGEMENT

While I mention it’s hard to imagine people still not getting the point when it comes to the importance of sleep, somehow the business world continues to show a desire to remain in delusion. The toxic “winner takes all” and “survival of the fittest” mentalities somehow carry on.

According to the most recent data from the National Health Interview Survey, the proportion of Americans getting no more than six hours a night (the minimum for a good night’s rest for most people) rose from 22% in 1985 to 29% in 2012. An international study conducted in 2017 by the Center for Creative Leadership found that among leaders, the problem is even worse: 42% get six or fewer hours of shut-eye a night. (HBR)

Research shows that sleep deprivation doesn’t just hurt individual performance. When leaders lose sleep, their employees’ experiences and productivity are diminished as well. In other words, when a leader doesn’t feel rested, the whole team pays a price.

A trend that is (sadly) not so rare in leadership is sleep devaluation - when a leader discounts the value of sleep. Personally, I have experienced this in spades with bosses and partners who communicate in a sort of a disguised boastful manner that they only slept for a couple of hours or they emailed me regularly at 3 am or all hours of the night…every night. Clearly, the underlying message to the team was that sleep is unimportant and the culture rewarded those who would sacrifice it for the company's “mission.”

In our studies, we found that employees pay close attention to such cues and adjust their own behavior accordingly. Specifically, subordinates of leaders who model and encourage poor sleep habits get about 25 fewer minutes of nightly rest than people whose bosses value sleep, and they report that their slumber is lower in quality. (HBR)

Ultimately, this is a sign of poor leadership and ignorance on the actual importance of sleep on productivity and long-term organizational health. I've grown out of the systemic mindset that it is impressive to be exhausted, and I choose to speak out against dated thinking that produces more and more burnout. I now prioritize sleep as a part of my long-term vision for both life and work.

TIPS TO GET QUALITY SLEEP

Tips to get better quality sleep:

• Establish a regular schedule

• Develop a relaxing routine to shut down and turn off

• No electronics in bed

• Create an environment that encourages rest and soothes the mind and body

• Avoid caffeine and alcohol

• Wear glasses that filter out blue light

• Get up, do something relaxing, and try again

• Track your sleep with a wearable device or app

• Take a 20-minute nap during the day

Make sleep a priority and you will be a more successful leader who encourages wellness and inspires better work in your employees.

Sleep and be well 💫

Ah, the poster child of the dimensions of wellness...physical wellness! Rightfully, physical wellness holds a powerful position in attention from people and business when considering the realm of "wellness." It’s no surprise that taking care of our physical well-being is extremely important to overall health and happiness.

Either we're investing in our health, or we're investing in our illness.

Even still, the average modern adult leads a busy stressed-out life, which puts health on the back burner until it is forced to be front and center.

I think it is important to adjust our lens to pay proper attention to our physical aspect as it stands on its own as well as the many ways that it is interdependent with our other dimensions. 

"Health is a state of body. Wellness is a state of being." J. Stanford

Physical wellness is but one aspect among many on our wellness journey, but I don’t think many would deny that health is true wealth. It is one of the rare blessings that we take so for granted until we no longer have it. Once it is compromised, our quality life can be dramatically affected. When was the last time you were grateful for your legs, your breath, your vision, your skin, your lungs? The fact that our bodies carry us through this life is such a gift. I try to be genuinely thankful for my physical wellness as much as I possibly can, and the best form of gratefulness is to love and care for it.

There is a lot of complicated information out there in terms of health trends, but I believe managing our physical wellness can simplified by breaking it down into a few important areas to pay attention. I will pay attention to the following areas in upcoming posts: sleep, nutrition, exercise, hygiene, relaxation, and the interdependence with other dimensions.

I look forward to the continued discussion about physical wellness!

Meet me as a first grader. I was a bright blonde burst of sunshine, and, as the sixth of seven children and youngest daughter, it was my birth-order position to entertain. Needless to say, these characteristics unknowingly branded me as the “blonde” stereotype and diminished my traditional intellectual currency within my family and preschool social life. I was just "little Lexi" and the expectation was to be sweet and entertaining. It took my first grade teacher requesting that I have an IQ test for my mom to realize I had something more involved going on in that little noggin of mine. I was put into a "gifted" program with accelerated education and monitoring, which allowed me to ultimately skip tenth grade when I desired to exit my high school years early.

Intelligence actually comes in many forms, and we've branded it all wrong as a society. Even if I hadn't been tested for the traditionally measured Logical-Mathematical Intelligence, I was actually exhibiting different forms of intelligence in my social behavior, namely Interpersonal Intelligence. Perhaps it was nurture over nature that formed a social strength to my personality, and perhaps it was nature over nurture that gave me the ability to work with patterns, math, and logic. Once I was tested for logical intelligence, that became my intellectual identity. Interestingly, I never knew I had other forms of intelligence to embrace and exercise. At 38 years old, I can reflect and see ways it would have been extremely advantageous to know these were like intellectual muscles I should have been exercising.

BUT, I can now see that is why I have this awareness at this point in my life, and it is my mission to share with you.

Gardner’s Types of Intelligence

Harvard Psychologist, Howard Gardner, developed the theory of multiple intelligence in his 1983 book, "Frames of the Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences”. He argues that traditional psychometric views of measuring intelligence are too narrow, and it would be incomplete to judge someone’s intelligence by one or two factors alone. He outlined nine forms of intelligence: Naturalistic, Musical, Logical-Mathematical, Existential, Interpersonal, Linguistic, Bodily-Kinaesthetic, Intra-personal, and Spatial.

There is a large spectrum of potential and capacity for growth that we as a society have not fully explored. Most of us are all too familiar with our culture's focus on Logical Intelligence. Einstein could be the poster boy for this intelligence with his E = MC2! His messy-haired mug is cemented in my mind as the visual for an intelligent person. Interestingly, Einstein actually was extremely bright in multiple forms of intelligence. I read that he would step away when he was stuck on a tough mathematical problem, play his violin, and he would often come to the solution. He was actually tapping into other areas of his brain and exercising his Musical Intelligence.

“Music helps him when he is thinking about his theories,” said Elsa, who became his second wife in 1919. “He goes to his study, comes back, strikes a few chords on the piano, jots something down, returns to his study.” (source)

None Better Than The Others

The truth is no type of intelligence is better or more valuable than any other. We all have different measures of each of them, but we likely would excel in specific forms given the opportunity and support in understanding the potential value. If you know what you're working with, you can maximize your inherent advantages and highlight the areas where you may want to exercise in order to succeed.

Here is a test to find out what forms of intelligence you have. I hope you will ponder your forms of intelligence and see yourself in a new SMART light!

Analyze your forms of intelligence and be well!

In a world over-saturated with digital tools, social media, video entertainment, and nonstop media vying for our attention resource, books remain quietly calling out to us from our book shelves. Like the old friend who was slowly forgotten or pushed to the back because a newer, shinier friend came dancing into our lives with vibrant lights and attention-getting tactics that would shock any senses into abandon. Our books remain wisely quiet as though they know we will one day return to the tried and true value of letters making words, words making sentences, sentences making paragraphs, and paragraphs making meaning. Whether it be the printed version or the digital version of books, no video can provide the creative freedom for our minds to design our own worlds of the stories we absorb. Whenever a film adaptation of a book comes out, I am nearly always slightly disappointed that a character, once unique to my own imagination, has now been replaced with a Hollywood actor who understandably could never compete with the look, sound, and character I fell for - partly because the character was a masterpiece between the author’s words as the canvas and my mind as the finishing artist.

Yes, books are the original romance with other worlds and new ways of thinking. We must never forget them completely. This is why I feel so strongly that reading for fun is essential and fundamental to our Intellectual Wellness.

RECOMMENDATIONS

My favorite book of all time is the Bible because, through its words, I see everything else. I have many favorite authors, but the one who stands apart for where her words take me is Jane Austen.

Here are some of the most widely recognized titles (there are too many to outline or share). I’ve read many of these in school and for fun, but my list has just grown. I would like to experience all of these books. How many have you read?

QUOTES

I’ve compiled some quotes that sum up many of the emotions and thoughts I have toward reading and all that it can do for our Intellectual Wellness.

If you are reading in order to become a better reader, you cannot read just any book or article. You will not improve as a reader if all you read are books that are well within your capacity. You must tackle books that are beyond you, or, as we have said, books that are over your head. Only books of that sort will make you stretch your mind. And unless you stretch, you will not learn. —Mortimer Adler

The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest minds of past centuries. —Rene Descartes

A capacity, and taste, for reading gives access to whatever has already been discovered by others. —Abraham Lincoln

Reading is an act of civilization; it’s one of the greatest acts of civilization because it takes the free raw material of the mind and builds castles of possibilities. —Ben Okri

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. —Joseph Addison

Maybe this is why we read, and why in moments of darkness we return to books: to find words for what we already know. —Alberto Manguel

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. —George R.R. Martin

In the end, we’ll all become stories. —Margaret Atwood

A book is a dream that you hold in your hand. —Neil Gaiman

No two persons ever read the same book. —Edmund Wilson

The only thing you absolutely have to know is the location of the library. —Albert Einstein

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. —C.S. Lewis

Read for fun and be well!

RELATED READING

When I was a young teenager, I began journaling. My mom encouraged me to do it as a method of prayer and contemplation during my quiet times. Once I began, my mind was opened to the wonderful world of exploring my thoughts and deeper contemplations on paper. I have filled dozens of journals and digital notebooks since.

As I mentioned, I treat my journaling as a prayer opportunity because the core of my wellness rests in my value system, which is a place of faith for me. Anchoring my intellectual wellness to my value system is how my deepest thoughts and mental contemplations are worked out through a lens of truth and love. From there, my thoughts can healthily move toward my intentions, attention, connections, and actions. It all begins with exploring those thoughts and connecting them to my values, and writing them down assists in that exercise in a way I am not sure anything else can.

It is also truly wonderful to have years of my life written down. Thoughts come and go so quickly. If we can catch them, bring them together to form sentences and paragraphs, and write them down, we have captured something intangible and made it tangible.

I receive a “word of the day” every morning in my inbox, and this morning’s word was “hinterland” which means an area lying beyond what is visible or known. This is how I feel about writing down my thoughts. It is an exploration, an opportunity to visit somewhere new, an exercise to make sense, to refine, to work out what may seem jumbled when fluttering by my consciousness.

I encourage you to visit the hinterland of your intellectual wellness by writing down your thoughts. Perhaps you’ll find yourself talking to “someone” else as I do with the Creator and Lover of my soul and Caretaker of my deepest thoughts.

Write down your thoughts and be well!

RELATED READING

As I walk through each of the Dimensions of Wellness, the next dimension is very important in its influence on the wellness of all of the other dimensions. When considering everything that makes life possible (let alone well), a working brain is unarguably paramount. The next dimension is not particularly focused on the physical functioning of the brain, but on the influences that can help the mind operate at its highest capacity.

Notice how I switched from “brain” to “mind” there? I once heard Dr. Caroline Leaf separate these two in her explanation of the mind/brain connection. She explained the mind is how we uniquely think, feel, and choose; whereas the brain is like the medium that enables its operation. The mind works through the brain, and the brain responds to the mind. So, when we are engaging in actions to improve our intellect, we are expanding our mind’s unique abilities and capacities by exercising our brain.

Intellectual Wellness is the act of recognizing creative abilities and finding ways to expand knowledge and skills.

My next few blog posts will concentrate on a few tips and exercises that can work the brain to increase our mind’s Intellectual Wellness, beginning with exercising what I have termed “focused curiosity.”

FOCUSED CURIOSITY

When you’re intellectually satisfied, you feel curious about the world around you, and excited about learning new things. You may feel open to being challenged about your thoughts and beliefs. Also, you’ll probably find the time to learn skills and engage in creative activities. If you struggle in this dimension, you might feel bored and you could be quick to shut down other people’s opinions and perspectives during discussions.

At the foundation of all of the tips for increasing Intellectual Wellness, I notice a common thread…curiosity. A thirst for life, a journey of exploration and discovery, and the continual act of asking questions and finding answers.

I have always been extremely curious and hungry to learn more, nearly to a fault. I have learned that without a focus (compass) to all of my curiosity, I could find myself dabbling in ENDLESS content across the vast array of categories in life. Social issues, health, psychology, nature, children, business, food, travel, home, the world...the fascination never ends to things that can peak my curiosity! Ultimately, my curiosity could make me like a rudderless ship, always sailing toward the unknown horizon, never arriving at any real purpose or mission.

How can we achieve focused curiosity?

PERSONAL RESOURCES

Inside our Intellectual Wellness journeys, as with all of the Dimensions of Wellness, are our personal resources and how we use them (or don’t use them). From a core value system to actions, these tools are there to be utilized either effectively or not, and they can only be used in the moment. Once the moment is gone, so are the resources that we were provided for that particular moment. So, this very moment, I am using my resources to produce this blog post.

I've been learning how to hone in and approach my curiosity from my value system first by asking myself, "Why am I learning this and how will it serve my purpose?" Watching opinion-based political videos, being entertained with feel-good human interest videos, or living vicariously through travel photography on Instagram isn't really pushing my intellectual needle forward, if you know what I mean. So, while those things may be interesting to my mind, I try to harness my curiosity by bringing my attention back to my values, which direct the compass of my intentions, attention, connections, and actions.

In today's attention economy, it is extremely important to be conscious of the value of this particular resource. Attention is one of the most sought after and highly valued in the digital media world, and it is certainly the easiest to tend to go rudderless and take the other external resources (connections and actions) with it. Take back ownership of some your most valuable assets, and use your currency wisely to grow your mind for where you want to aim in life.

Focus your curiosity to grow your intelligence and be well!

RELATED READING

What is a well-being journey? A journey to BE well and stay well.

I believe wellness is a state of being. It is more than a number on the scale, likes on Facebook, reading good books, a great job, or a lovely home. Well-being is made up of six (per the National Wellness Institute) dimensions that overlap and are interdependent. Being aware of these dimensions is like having the tools to tend a garden. Without these tools, the garden would grow rampant in some areas and die in others. It certainly wouldn't self-maintain as a perfect garden. By caring for all of the dimensions of wellness, you'll stay happier and healthier.

The goal? As I've written before, the goal is not to try to be "perfect" in each dimension. There is no end destination of wellness. As a recovering perfectionist, I recognize there is no such thing as perfection, and the pursuit of it actually hinders living life authentically and richly with all of the nuances that imperfection allows. The goal is to be aware of the dimensions that contribute to wellness and to begin small daily steps toward better use of your outer life resources (attention, connections, actions). If you're looking to improve your own well-being, awareness is a great place to start. Sharing ideas may lead to small changes that have a big impact over time. Let the butterfly effect be a higher quality of life!

I previously introduced why I use the term "inside-out well-being journey" in this article, and now I am excited to begin the dive into each dimension of wellness beginning with Emotional Wellness.

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

How we feel can be very influential in how we’re able to carry out everyday activities and relate to others. Focusing on emotional wellness couldn’t be more important in today’s challenging times.

When you’re emotionally healthy, you’re able to identify and process your emotions with a more optimistic overarching outlook on life. You're adaptable and resilient to the curveballs and stresses of daily life and you're confident to express your emotions healthily regardless of the external environment. Emotional wellness also lowers the risk of mental illness.

Someone who struggles with emotional wellness is easily influenced by what is happening around them. They tend to view life as happening TO them as opposed to FOR them. They can get easily upset and have emotional outbursts from pent up emotions that haven't been processed in a rational or healthy manner. One in five adults suffer from mental illness including depression and anxiety. (Of course, if you feel you suffer from mental illness, please talk to your health care professional or use this link.)

I've experienced a lot of stress and anxiety in my life through different circumstances and in different capacities, and it always makes me feel as though I am sinking in quicksand. We are not alone - no matter how our emotions may make us feel as though we are. The more we normalize the discussion around mental health and emotional wellness, the more we can all handle the waves of life and grow without shame or crippling fear.

Below are some tips I've learned over the years as well as some others I've discovered in my research. As always, it has been integral to my well-being to resolve that life is a journey and emotional wellness is like a muscle that needs exercise and continual practice to perform well.

TIPS

BE PRESENT

The more I learn about and seek wellness on my journey, the more I am certain of the importance of living in the present moment. The past is so heavy and the future so uncertain - no wonder both produce such unnecessary burdens NOW.

Emotional Wellness allows us to remain centered and self-aware...in other words, conscious. Often our emotions are conditioned or subconscious responses to specific stimuli. By being “present” or mindful, we can be conscious of these emotions and practice more resourceful responses.

Our personal resources (value system > intentions > attention > connections > actions) are really ONLY valuable in the moment. They can’t be reused in the past or used ahead in the future. So, we need to be present in order to use them at all. Otherwise, we’re just wasting time and life.

Be present and be well. 💫

MEDITATE & PRAY

There have been times when I was called an “ice queen” and other times when I let my emotions steer me wrong. How can I have both of these extremes within myself? Depending on the emotional-allowance of the environment, I would adjust. Either way, it would typically result in pain for me as well as for others.

I’ve been learning what it means to use meditation and prayer to understand my emotions and seek the truth. I have been learning how to listen to my heart as well as how to speak truth to it. I don’t listen to my emotions without speaking to them, and I don’t speak to my emotions without listening to them.

My emotions are real and important, but they are not my anchor or foundation. Connecting them to my value system is the only way I can navigate life without drowning or suppressing my experience of it. My value system defines how my emotions carry from my inner life to my outer life, which allows for a rich, real, and authentic connection to my personal experience as well as the experience of others.

Meditate, pray & be well. 💫

CONNECT WITH OTHERS

On top of the challenges and trials (or opportunities!), that life has brought all of us in 2020/21, I am balancing being a mom to three boys four-years-old and under, multiple new entrepreneurial endeavors, a shift in the work/home balance with Marco, endless projects as we re-nest permanently into our home, and varying extended familial challenges. It's a lot. I'm not complaining, I'm being real about the season I'm in.

So, how am I in the midst of it all? Why have I not crippled under the weight?

There are moments.

I don't want to discount the times when I feel as though I am sinking in quicksand and can't see any way out because that wouldn't be transparent and honest as I have promised I would be. There are moments, but there is also resilience.

I find a rope to hold onto, and I am slowly pulled out of the quicksand. My rope begins at my value system as the anchor of my wellness. What do I put my faith and hope in? What is my purpose? Why am I here? Who is my guide? Once I reconnect and grab onto my rope, which answers these questions of the heart, I find a hope and a joy that moves outward to my intentions, attention, connections, and actions. By the time I am at action, I may seem to be doing pretty darn well. That's because there has been a great deal of inner work happening before something is obvious to those around me.

You know who witnesses me as I'm sinking and trying to navigate my way to my rope? Marco, my dear husband. He is my other half in life, so he feels and experiences the tough moments along with me. Our connection doesn't begin with my outer life resources. He is a part of my inner life as much as I have been able to grow in twelve years of marriage. He shares my value system, and he is hanging on to the same rope in his dimensions of wellness. He encourages me to remember and points out the rope when I'm sinking.

So, connecting with others for emotional wellness doesn’t mean grabbing a hold of them, it means finding others who share the same rope. 🪢

Connect with others and be well. 💫

COPE WITH LOSS

I had planned on writing about coping with loss in my emotional wellness series, and February 4th just so happens to be my late mother-in-love’s birthday. Anna was a living angel here on Earth, and two years ago she took that job from Heaven. Every day her physical presence is missed, and our family has experienced coping with this immense loss in very personal ways. Anna’s passing makes this tip real to me, and also confirms how important coping with loss is on the emotional wellness journey.

When someone you love dies, your world changes. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. At times it can feel overwhelming, but most people can make it through the process with the loving support of family and friends. One key I have learned in coping myself, and especially in being a support for Marco, is to know the healthy stages of grief because we can be susceptible to judging ourselves and others as we navigate the emotional waves. Here are the seven stages of grief:

1. Shock and denial

2. Pain and guilt

3. Anger and bargaining

4. Depression

5. The upward turn

6. Reconstruction and working through

7. Acceptance and hope

It is also important to not consider “loss” to exclusively mean death. Coping with loss can include the very difficult experiences of ending a friendship, separating with a business partner, going through a divorce, retirement, leaving a job, and any other form of losing someone or something that was integral to your identity and happiness. I’ve personally experienced many of these losses as well and later realized I never fully grieved, which stunted my emotional wellness for long periods of time.

Here are a few ways to help cope with loss and serve on your emotional wellness journey:

1. Seek out caring people

2. Take care of your health

3. Accept that life is for the living

4. Don't offer false comfort

5. Offer practical help

6. Be patient

I am praying for anyone coping with loss, and I am consciously taking time to speak about and remember Anna. 💫

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS ESSENTIALS

Other tips for Emotional Wellness are:

• be mindful

• reduce stress

• get quality sleep

• cultivate self-awareness and self-acceptance

• identify and express your emotions constructively

• engage in effective relationships

• practice self-control and self-esteem

• be willing to work on your own flaws and defects

• develop resilience

• learn to cope effectively with challenging states

• remain calm and centered

• be responsible for your own actions

• understand the impact of your emotional expressions on yourself and others

Remember wellness a journey. Give yourself the space to learn and grow, and be sure to share with those around you. We’re here to connect.

Recommended Reading

People-business-business-people, you cannot separate the two. There is no product or service that isn't made with an end consumer in mind, nor is there any business that isn't made up of stakeholders (employees, communities, customers, and investors). Prior to the human experience of a product or service, a business is just an idea, a vision, or a construct of an entrepreneur's mind with the hopes that it will serve people if brought into reality. 

Business Psychology is the study and practice of improving working life. It combines an understanding of human behavior with experience of the world of work to attain happier, more effective, more productive, and sustainable performance for both individuals and organizations. It was Mahatma Gandhi who said, “A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” I would carry the same measure to business. My professional focus is to anchor business psychology to human psychology and help business leaders understand that the health of a business is measured against the least healthy stakeholder. Too many times we measure the quality of a business by metrics that aren't an actual reflection of its sustainable wellness.

The Wrong Measure

The standard measure of the quality of a business is revenue or profit, which is measured in dollars. What does a dollar actually represent?

Perhaps you've studied or heard of Adam Smith who has been referred to as the "father of economics." One of his most prominent capitalistic ideas includes the "invisible hand” that guides the invisible forces of supply and demand. Through self-interest, people are motivated to care for themselves, which inadvertently creates the best outcome for all. The premise was that if a business meets the needs of their customers, they will earn revenues and profits for themselves. Their purpose may be to earn money, but they are also providing products that people want. 

What if the driving factor of the invisible hand is consistently being attributed to the wrong side of the coin? Through mass production, capitalistic economies have been fighting the fact that demand is supposed to drive supply, not the other way around. You see, the butcher should observe the demand for meat and provide it to achieve his personal motivation to bring home the bacon (unashamed fan of puns). Beginning with the division of labor, which led to mass production, supply began to be produced for future or predicted demand. 

Fast forward to a society where we are bombarded with advertisements, sales, promotions, and marketing schemes. It is not hard to see that modern economies are pushing hard to make the invisible hand work with supply as the engine and demand as the effect. Unfortunately, the evidence that this is not the true measure of a healthy economy resides in the effects of increasing inequality, a shrinking middle class, VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity) in business, network effects for FAAMG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, Google), among many other unsustainable results. Today, business is about trying to sell products and services, as opposed to producing what people actually want or need to improve their quality of life. The fact that two of the most successful businesses in the world today are primarily advertising models should speak volumes to this point. 

Back to the original question about what a dollar actually represents. A dollar of revenue is representative of the labor it took for a person to earn it and their propensity to spend it. Demand used to represent the quantity of products and services people wanted and needed to achieve their personal definition of a healthy quality of life. It was more of the “work to live” model, whereas today’s culture has shifted to more of a “live to work” model. Fabricating demand through marketing and advertising to sell excess supply requires selling things people don’t actually need. In other words, businesses need consumption to go up. When people’s aspirational wants and needs are the value of production, consumption becomes the measure. When people’s ability to labor is the value of production, their quality of life becomes the measure. In an economy where supply is the engine, the most viable option for business is to cater to aspirational marketing and advertising to try to create false demand. 

The Reckoning

I’m getting to a sort of “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” question here, except we must admit that demand always came first. What needs to happen in order for businesses to thrive is to remove the delusion that businesses have been operating under by acknowledging that the invisible hand is controlled by TRUE demand. If people are on the brink of personal collapse, businesses will follow. If people can’t work to provide a healthy quality of life for themselves and their families, demand will decrease and supply won’t be able to sell to aspirational desires. This is why luxury brands and unnecessary businesses are always the first to feel the hit during a financial crisis.  

Remove the Blinders

How could we ever measure the quality of business (dollars) before we measure the quality of life of people? Increasingly, business leaders must face the reality that their success is dependent upon the success of their stakeholders. In other words, measuring the quality of life of stakeholders will reveal real demand between where people are and where they desire to be. Supplying this demand is following the invisible hand in its true operation.

This may seem like a massive undertaking, but it’s actually just a shift in focus. Businesses must control their attention to control their future. Wellness is a keyword in every business strategy these days, but it needs to be considered the lifeblood of how a business can survive. The first step is removing the blinders and seeing the truth. From this knowledge, business leaders can psychologically shift their own minds, which in turn will shift the direction of how organizations operate. 

Secondly, taking an honest assessment of where the business is on the supply/demand scale will reveal the necessary steps toward shifting to a demand/supply model. Here are a few questions to begin the assessment process:

1. 1. 1. What dimension of wellness of people does the business serve with products or services (spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical, social, occupational, financial, environmental)?

      2. How does the business measure this dimension of wellness for their customer?

      3. How does the business help improve the quality of life within this dimension for their customer?

      4. Does this recognize and address the whole person (multi-dimensional approach)?

      5. How does the business measure all of the dimensions of wellness for its employees, investors, and the local community?

      6. Does this affirm and mobilize peoples’ ability to provide for their own quality of life?

By being aware of and answering these initial questions, business leaders can take the reins back into their hands. Perhaps the truth is they’re not taking the reins at all, they’re recognizing who has always held the reigns in the first place. People. Consumers. 

As I begin this new year, I am cautious about expectations and hopes for 2021 to eclipse 2020. Things such as New Year's resolutions seem a bit too ambitious for my taste this year when all I truly pray for is health and peace. Perhaps one positive that came out of 2020 is my desire less for "advancement" and more for "contentment."

The things we went through in 2020 changed us. A lot. We were challenged, broken, and transformed. If 2020 was the year of change, perhaps we were changing for where 2021 will take us.

In the first week of January, I came across a lot of content about choosing a WORD as opposed to making a resolution. The more I thought about it, the more the idea grew on me. We all know resolutions rarely last beyond a couple of weeks into January. Perhaps we do make some initial healthier choices, but quickly the resolutions fade into whatever has proven to stick as unconscious habits. They are forgotten and replaced with discouragement and even a sense of failure. I believe this is because most resolutions are dealing with effects and not causes, symptoms, and not underlying issues.

I consider the idea of coming up with a word an opportunity to pay attention to the inner life and incorporate something on a value system level. You may recall past articles where I outlined personal resources within our dimensions of wellness. At the core (or the foundation) of our resources is our value system which feeds our intentions, attention, connections, and actions. The practice of incorporating a word into daily life can actually have long-standing results by bringing the focus to a cause on a value system level and not simply to the effects that show up in where our attention goes, who we’re connected to, or how we act.

This year, I am choosing the word GRATITUDE. I want to start 2021 focused on gratitude in all dimensions of wellness. I believe this will be the best foundation coming out of the challenging year of 2020. Sometimes, it’s easier to focus on what we don’t have, rather than what we do have. It’s important to pause, reflect, and refocus on all of the things to be thankful for that many of us take for granted. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, where we are into where we should be, and when things are happening into the perfect time. In every situation, there is always room to find something to be grateful for. This shift in mindset can almost immediately transform a perspective from what is wrong or bad to what is good and a blessing.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” – Anonymous.

Gratitude eclipses the concept of a resolution because it becomes a pillar for NOW. All we have is this moment, and this moment can only be fully lived when we see all that is happening FOR us and all that we have to be grateful for.

“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.” – Henri Frederic Amiel

Here are some things that I am thankful for in each dimension as I begin 2021. By expressing my thankfulness, I pray gratitude will be revealed in my actions:

There are so many more things to be grateful for! I am going to cement my word into my daily life in 2021 by keeping a gratitude journal. I am a very digital person, so I will be using the Evernote app as a journal, but many people enjoy hand-written journals. Whatever the medium, the focus is to have a place to write and reflect. Imagine all that you will be able to look back at to be grateful for at the end of the year.

I may get myself a gratitude mug as well because I love the idea of waking up to a cup of gratitude every morning! 😉

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson

Warning: I will fail at this exercise over and over again. I will inevitably cave or forget about my word for a period of time. It's OK! I'm human. I'm not perfect. The faster we recognize our own weaknesses or failures, the sooner we realize we're not our own saviors. By admitting I am not perfect, I am making room for my value system to not be dependent upon my own efforts, perfectionist tendencies, or control. I've shared that my value system is built on my Christian faith, which removes self-righteousness and gives me the ability to look at my failures honestly to embrace a growth mindset and have empathy for others on their journeys.

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

As I have said in other articles, what is in your value system will serve as a foundation for how you use your personal resources (intentions, attention, connections, and actions) across all of your dimensions of wellness. So, by practicing gratitude on a daily basis, it will pour out from the inside into your actions with others. The fruit will be gratefulness, and gratefulness is a powerful force to begin healing a lot of what we went through in 2020.

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha

What word would contribute to your wellness in 2021? Here are some words to consider!

“It is far more important to deal with the internal problem than the external symptoms.”

Dr. Caroline Leaf

Occupational Wellness is no easy topic...for anyone. It can feel complicated and out of one’s control. I know my wellness within work has been one of my biggest struggles since I began to build my identity around my career in my 20’s. 

If I am honest, I’ve been kicking around what to write specifically about occupational wellness, and it hasn’t been easy. Most of what you find online relates to this definition: 

Occupational wellness inspires us to prepare for work in which we will gain personal satisfaction and find enrichment in our life. Your attitude about work is a crucial influence for occupational development. Occupational wellness allows you to explore various career options and encourages you to pursue the opportunities you enjoy the most. This dimension of wellness recognizes the importance of satisfaction, enrichment and meaning through work. (Source)

What I didn't want to do in this series of addressing each dimension of wellness was to simply define them and give pointers. You can get that content thousands of other places. (Trust me, just search on Pinterest or Instagram and you’ll get endless scrolling material.) However, what you won’t get anywhere else is my unique perspective on how to connect each dimension to an inside-out wellbeing journey. 

Since I am not a wellness “expert”, a self-help guru, or an influencer, I believe my place is to share from the heart and allow it to connect (or not) with other hearts. I never approach my writing with the motivation to “fix" other people. My purpose is to authentically, sincerely, and vulnerably offer my gifts, talents, and experiences for the potential impact on someone else’s journey. Therefore, defining deep topics only serves as an introduction to things that have personally impacted my inside-out wellbeing journey. The juice is in the impact, not the education. I write to connect, not to lecture. 

A RUB

Fundamentally, the definition and understandings out there about occupational wellness rub against everything I have been working to undo in my own life. Most of the content out there addresses the need to find fulfillment IN work. I haven’t been able to find fulfillment in work after 20+ years of searching, and I have pushed a full-court press in an attempt to make work fulfill deep-rooted desires and needs. 

I’ve shared some of my work experience in other articles, but now I’ll give you a brief (CliffsNotes version) timeline to share my occupational journey. Perhaps it will reveal a trend of searching for something deeper than what work could provide without having to divulge into too many details because, trust me, that could fill a novel. 

I was a fashion model from the time I was 14 until 20. I lived in Toronto, New York City, Hamburg, and Milan, and I traveled the world during these years. When I realized I didn’t want to just be a mannequin, I worked as a bartender in New York while I completed my degree at NYU. When I didn’t want to be objectified and tipped loads of cash tips for wearing scantily clad outfits, I moved to work at a sandwich chain that was owned by a hospitality company. I traded in my mini skirt and thigh high boots for a hat, branded t-shirt, and jeans. This experience was humbling, but also one of the best experiences I have ever had in learning how a business operates from the ground up. Before too long, I was hired to join the hospitality corporate office where I built a catering division and began working in branding and marketing as the company rapidly expanded into luxury restaurants with celebrity chefs. My entrepreneurial itch was strong by the time I was 26 and married, which led me to open a creative branding agency with a friend who came from a complimentary professional background. My thirst to prove myself and be accepted into “more exclusive” New York occupational circles drove me to present an entire issue of a magazine to the owner of an international fashion and art magazine (not expected or even warranted - just a shot in the dark on my end). Looking back, I think this move was also a subconscious attempt to re-enter the fashion world from the “other side” where I would be making the decisions and running the show, as opposed to being subjected to it. Before I knew it, I was the editor of that magazine while expanding and running the US operation in New York. Soon, I merged my agency with the magazine and was working with top fashion, art, and lifestyle brands and talent and sitting in the front row at fashion weeks in New York, Milan, and Paris. From exclusive parties to dinners with celebrities to being “dressed” for events...it was pretty “fancy”…on the outside. 

As the CEO and partner of an agency and the editor of a prestigious international magazine, one would think I should have felt quite satisfied, right? Even my younger self didn't necessarily aspire to such titles and experiences. And yet, I was still unfulfilled. I felt like I didn’t fit in. I felt like an impostor. And, let’s be honest, it was a serious hustle and a struggle to stay on top. Most entrepreneurs understand that there is no apex where the work gets easier, the pressure gets lighter, or the sleepless nights get fewer. Competition and survival of the fittest is real the higher you climb. 

I was in the midst of all of this inner dissonance when one of my clients approached me to be a partner in working with brands and clients who wanted to create real positive impact in the world. The offer touched my inner questioning and deep search for fulfillment, and I made the very complicated and difficult occupational jump on the promise to be a partner in a marketing and investment start up with a mission to change the world. 

THE END OF MYSELF

By 2020, after years of working tirelessly, I had come to the end of myself. My heart and eyes were opened to realize I was still searching for fulfillment and enrichment in the wrong places. I have had the tendency to confuse acceptance, approval, and praise for fulfillment, meaning, and purpose. I have been like a lap dog who gets her fix by getting a good ear scratch only to be left begging and panting as soon as the attention goes away. This made me the perfect candidate for manipulation and performance addiction. As I touched on in my article about perfectionism, ever since I was a child I looked for approval to shine as the sixth out of seven children, and I have grown into a woman version where I have been the perfect compliment to characters who like control, co-dependency, and ego boosts. Somehow this dynamic always served my own ego, and I was addicted. Fortunately for me, it all became clearly unsustainable, and God’s grace pulled me out of the cycle for some serious inner workings. 

Identifying that the issue was related to my addiction to external sources of fulfillment, I was able to see a blindspot that began to reveal a lot more. I also listened to a few heart-opening sermons by Tim Keller where he focused on the inside-out truth of real faith, and the convergence of all of this led me to my commitment to an inside-out well-being journey. I understood that I needed to flip my search from looking for work that would fulfill me, to searching for true inner life fulfillment  that I could bring into my work. 

Ah, yes! Just simply flip everything inside-out! A lot easier said than done. I would give myself the "side-eye" right now if someone gave me the same massively over-simplified answer. 

INSIDE-OUT

I understand this all sounds like a lot of work and potentially a lot of navel gazing, but there are foundational truths that make it a lot less daunting. The key is to think of it as a journey, and only focus on the very next step (cue “The Next Right Thing” by Anna in Frozen 2). The result is a more open, vulnerable, honest, connected, and loving mindset that lends itself to others more than the incessant search for personal meaning from external sources. The outside-in approach is quite selfish because it is looking for others to fulfill inner emptiness while the inside-out approach is a commitment to a journey to be fulfilled spiritually, mentally, and emotionally enough that the "cup runneth over" to fill other cups. 

My perspective of real occupational wellness is that it is a result of a foundational inner life that builds on personal resources from a value system to actions within every dimension. Take it from me, it does alter life a lot. It is not an overnight flip, it’s a daily journey to live focused on the inner life over the outer life. It takes a growth mentality where change and challenges don’t threaten a resilient sense of self that is built on a solid value system as opposed to whatever identities have been developed externally. For me, the shedding of identities that no longer serve me has been one of the most liberating and yet threatening of processes. It takes a dedication to a conscious and mindful awareness, which requires a minute by minute refocusing where the past and the future don’t dictate the present. Prayer and meditation are key for me to shift my mindset in the midst of daily chaos and avoid the vortex of debilitating anxiety. Beyond all of these techniques and skills that many people explore and practice, I have learned that I need a blueprint to anchor my value system to so it isn’t like a flag in the wind susceptible to every new “self help” trend. My anchor is a faith in Jesus, and a dedication to understanding his truth and ways. 

BUSINESSES ARE PEOPLE

Occupational wellness should be a goal for all people and all businesses. It is a two way street, and I have written about the equation where half of the burden lies on the work environment. I believe we lack these corporate environments focused on the wellness of human capital because we have leaders who are not functioning with a foundational inner life themselves. As I have said many times, businesses are made up of people and the character of a business comes from the top down. After decades of trying to transform businesses through branding and marketing, I have come to the foundational truth that there is no true transformation unless it begins with the leadership from the inside-out. Thus, my dedication to this work. 

SUMMATION

Occupational wellness should be a goal for everyone, but the method to get there lies in each of us individually. Only then can we truly transform how “work” is viewed and environments are formed. We should all aspire to work in a way that uses our gifts, talents, and experiences to provide fulfillment and enrichment to ourselves as well as others. My experience has revealed to me that the only real way to find occupational wellness is to go about it from the inside first. Don’t look for the perfect job to meet a checklist of wellness attributes. Begin with your personal resources and allow those to help you navigate why, how, where, when, and with whom you work.

Remember, life is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and there are a lot of other people running the same race. As Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.” You’re not alone.

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My last article was an introduction to the Dimensions of Wellness. Before I dive in to focus on each dimension of wellness individually, I would like to connect the individual dimensions back to an overarching inside-out well-being journey. I believe the answer to pursuing wellness across all dimensions is an inside job. Even though occupational, social, and physical wellness are technically outer life dimensions, as in everything in life, there is a sort of fractal (repeating pattern) happening where everything operates from the inside-out. 

DIMENSIONS AND RESOURCES 

You may recall the Inside-Out System I’ve shared in a few articles. We have these personal resources at our disposal to take intentional and conscious action toward wellbeing. These resources are our "tool belt" within each dimension of wellness.

In Dimensions of an Inside-Out Wellbeing Journey, I shared that spiritual, emotional, and intellectual wellness are foundational as inner life dimensions to have the ability to achieve wellness in the physical, social, and occupational (and beyond) outer life dimensions. These inner life dimensions are strongly connected with the inner core of our personal resources, being our value system. However “well” we are in our inner life dimensions (spiritual, emotional, and intellectual) is how capable we will be of understanding a foundational value system to guide our other resources. Our value system and intentions represent our inner life, while our attention acts as a bridge to our outer life resources of connections and actions.  

I hope this is beginning to reveal just how important the inside-out journey is. If you’re operating in an outside-in approach, you’re not only ignoring the foundational half of your dimensions of wellness, but you’re also using your resources beginning at attention with nothing to anchor it. 

In other words, you're a ship with no sail...

SWITCH TO INSIDE-OUT

If you switch your journey to focus on the inside-out, you will work to address and grow your wellness in the inner life dimensions, and you will awaken your inner core of personal resources. From here, you will begin to provide your outer life a foundation to grow upon, AND you will have the resources to approach your outer life wellness from a place that is in line with a true value system. Your attention will begin to shift to things that will bring wellness in your dimensions and you will seek connections and actions that align. Soon, you will notice that your actions are producing fruit that connects with your inner value system, which brings a greater sense of fulfillment, joy, and more peace as you navigate the journey of life. When our actions align with our value system, we also experience less cognitive dissonance. 

As I said, I see it all as a fractal (repeating pattern) where everything repeats the pattern of working from the inside-out. 

APPLICATION

To provide an example, if I am trying to improve my occupational wellness, I would begin by reconnecting with my value system within that dimension and let that guide my intentions, attention, connections, and actions toward greater occupational wellness. I would use these personal resources to define the why, who, what, where, how, and when within my occupation. 

If I am seeking to work on my occupational wellness, I should attempt to begin with first principle thinking about how my work connects to my foundational value system. Occupational wellness connects why I work, who I work with, where I work, how I work, when I work, and what I work on back to an overarching goal of wellness. So, if that’s the case, I should consider what defines these details through the lens of my value system and let that be the foundation to how I proceed toward action. 

For example, if my foundation for my work is to earn money or build my resume, that will dictate my intentions, where I put my attention, how I interact with connections, and what actions I take. However, if I approach my occupation with the foundation of using my gifts, talents, and experiences to serve others on their inside-out wellbeing journeys, imagine how that influences the use of my resources. Rather than seeing others as separate from myself where competition and selfish motivations rule, my value system would keep me connected and responsible to those around me and it would hold me accountable to the effects of my actions.

I want to be clear that this negates the concept that seeking occupational wellness is all about connecting to human issues or health or philanthropy or purpose-driven brands that convey a “green” or “human-centric” sensibility. Not everyone can work in a job that influences “wellness” as the world defines it. What would we do if we didn’t have people doing the work that needs to be done on all fronts? How can we diminish the importance of jobs that keep the world turning? 

I will continue to pound on the fact that it’s all about the inside coming out. Someone who works at Walmart or McDonald’s with a passion to positively influence their occupational environment is practicing occupational wellness. Their inner life wellness is their foundation, so they don’t associate wellness with an external or worldly measurement. If they’re showing up every day and putting something good into the inner life dimensions of their customers, colleagues, and communities, they are the heroes of our society. Something good could be a simple as a kind gesture or a genuine smile. 

REVERSE THE CRITERIA

Rather than ask the questions that have been permeating workforces in recent years:  Why do I work? How does this company align with my values? I propose a much more effective way to seek harmony and align your value system to your work is to ask the reverse questions. How does my value system dictate the way in which I work? How does it define the why, how, when, where, what, and who of my occupation? 

The issue is that most people are operating in the world from an outside-in perspective, so they’re looking for the external to fulfill their inner life. This is completely backward and completely ineffective as far as creating real change and influence in the world.  

Businesses are made of people, so businesses will change as people change from the inside-out. My focus with clients is to reveal this from the top-down because I believe real leaders should be transforming their business through their own authentic, sincere, and vulnerable inner changes. 

THE “WHY” ISN'T NEW  

You may have heard of Simon Sinek and his popular book from 2009 “Start With Why.” He’s been a force in the realization that all businesses and people need a purpose and a reason to anchor their work. Below is his “golden circle”, which I believe compliments the personal resources I focus on. His golden circle is a way of THINKING in business, whereas, I believe I am providing a way of BEING in life by focusing on very real and valuable intangible resources that we’re using all of the time - both consciously and unconsciously.

Digging deeper into why we work is nothing new, but I believe businesses have been forced to focus on people’s deeper value systems quickly with younger generations, such as Gen Z, entering the workforce and due to the pandemic and human issues shifting a deeper connection to shareholders (customer, employees, communities) into high gear. It is no longer possible for businesses to think that solely their products and services are sufficient to attract and keep loyalty. There has to be a connection to what people value and how that translates into improving their daily lives. All of today’s major human issues need to be at the forefront of business because they are connecting with what people believe on a deep level. People are beginning to see the need to connect these issues to their occupational, social, and physical wellness. The inside is coming out whether businesses are ready or not! 

Just as "Start With Why" became the new language for leadership focused on being in touch with an effective way of thinking and leading, I believe there is a deeper level where people can be empowered to actually improve and work on their wellbeing while also being more empathetic and genuine about the wellbeing of those around them. 

SUMMATION

I realize this is a lot of content and it dives into some deep concepts. My primary goal is to introduce streams of thought to make us all consider how we’re aiming toward and reconciling our own inside-out wellness (if we are at all) and how we are dedicating our lives to the same goal for others. I so deeply want to shift the monologues in our own hearts and minds as well as the dialogues that we’re constantly having with one another. 

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Rumi

I have written a lot about what I call an "inside-out wellbeing journey". It’s a mouth full, and I wonder if readers are grasping my meaning. I think it’s time to add some context and provide some practical information as a takeaway. I choose to use the word “wellbeing” because I like that it incorporates the word “being” as opposed to using the term “wellness”. Although, I would suggest the modern uses of the two terms can be interchangeable. 

We no longer think of wellness in terms of just physical health. We have gone through the transition of adding the word “holistic” to indicate that wellness is truly dependent upon many more dimensions of life that fuel the body, engage the mind, and nurture the spirit. Physical health will be achieved best through paying attention to all dimensions of life. This will allow one to live most fully.

SIX DIMENSIONS OF WELLNESS

The National Wellness Institute outlines six mutually interdependent dimensions of wellness: spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, social, and occupational. 

• Spiritual Dimension

  • Spiritual wellness is being connected to something greater than yourself and having a set of values, principles, morals and beliefs that provide a sense of purpose and meaning to life.

• Emotional Dimension

  • Emotional Wellness refers to an awareness, understanding, and acceptance of your emotions, and your ability to manage effectively through challenges and change.

• Intellectual Dimension

  • Intellectual Wellness refers to active participation in scholastic, cultural, and community activities. It is important to gain and maintain intellectual wellness because it expands knowledge and skills in order to live a stimulating and successful life.

• Physical Dimension

  • Physical Wellness means caring for your body to stay healthy now and in the future. The physical benefits of looking good and feeling terrific most often lead to the psychological benefits of enhanced self-esteem, self-control, determination and a sense of direction.

• Social Dimension

  • Social Wellness involves building healthy, nurturing and supportive relationships as well as fostering a genuine connection with those around you.

• Occupational Dimension

  • Occupational Wellness recognizes personal satisfaction and enrichment in one’s life through work. It contributes your unique gifts, skills, and talents to work that is both personally meaningful and rewarding.

Other organizations and universities focus on eight, seven, or nine dimensions, but I have decided to focus on these core six for now because they are included across the board. The two dimensions that are primarily added to other models are financial and environmental. I certainly do not want to diminish the importance of these areas, but I would suggest that these dimensions can be effects of wellness in the other six dimensions. For example, if you aim after holistic wellness in your occupation, financial wellness would be one of the effects. The same goes with the environment if you’re focused on your physical and social wellness. 

INTERDEPENDENCE

The interdependence of all six dimensions is integral to overall wellness. The above is an actual photo of a “Wheel of Life” exercise I did at an event with a famous self-help guru in 2014. The exercise was to rate areas of your wellness and shade in each pie piece of the wheel with the rating - shading from a low score in the center of the pie outward toward a higher score. If any area was less shaded, you could quickly see how your “wheel of life” wouldn’t roll effectively. Most participants’ wheels were a lopsided mess. The valuable takeaway was that attention must be given to all the dimensions, as neglect of any one over time will adversely affect the others. Ultimately, ignoring any dimension of wellness will sacrifice your health, well-being, and quality of life. 

However, I deviate from the balanced wheel analogy because I do not believe focus must be equal at all times in order to achieve overall wellness. Our journeys are full of different focuses at different times because let’s face it, life throws us curve balls. I think 2020 deserves a gold medal for disrupting our norms - the good, the bad, and everything in between. 

Along the journey, sometimes our physical wellness requires a higher priority, other times it may be social or occupational. For example, when a woman is pregnant physical wellness shifts into high gear, losing a job will put a priority on occupational wellness, or a challenged relationship can make social wellness an area of intense focus. The goal should be to find a personal harmony where all are being paid attention and nothing is on the sacrifice block for extended periods of time. Everyone has their own view of priorities across different time periods of life, and we can’t judge one another’s vision of what it means to be well.  

Thinking Questions:

1. Which dimensions of your life tend to compete for the most attention? 

2. Which dimension is currently your top priority as far as time and attention? 

INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL 

As I detailed in Inner and Outer Life Balance, true wellness is dependent upon a foundational inner life that can support a robust outer life. When you look at the six dimensions you can basically divide them in half where three represent your inner life (spiritual, emotional, intellectual) and three represent your outer life (physical, social, occupational). I’ve represented these with warm (inner life) and cool (outer life) colors to convey the distinction and the dependence of the inner life as the engine for overall wellness. If you don’t have the foundation of spiritual, emotional and intellectual wellness, your physical, social and occupational wellness will weigh you down. I firmly believe that wellness in the outer life dimensions is not sustainable without strong inner dimensions. 

Ask yourself how many times you’ve made your spiritual, emotional, or intellectual wellness a priority. These dimensions tend to be shelved and forgotten as a result of the fast-paced outside-in world we live in where the demands of on our physical, social, and occupational dimensions dominate. The fruit of the outer life pressure without a robust inner life is stress, burnout, identity crisis, anxiety, inflammation, and so on. This is why I have made the inside-out approach the core of my messaging to truly transform a wellbeing journey and to bring some deep introspection.  

Perhaps this is a better visual to represent the foundation of the inner life dimensions supporting the outer life dimensions. I would add financial and environmental dimensions to the outer life category as well, so you can see how the “balance” weighs heavily on the side of external influences. The foundation that exists in your spiritual, emotional, and intellectual wellness will either be able to carry the pressure or life will feel like one long balancing act between competing dimensions in the outer life. 

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF

Wellness is also not exclusive to ourselves. Wellness necessitates good self-stewardship, for ourselves and for those we care about and who care about us. After many years of trying to make sense of the "golden rule”, I believe a strong aspect of truly loving your neighbor is to want their overall wellness sincerely and equally to your own. If I fully grasp the importance of the dimensions of my own personal wellness, I must want the same for my neighbor. By neighbor, I mean EVERYONE.  

So, when I say that the inner life dimensions are integral and foundational to my own holistic wellbeing, I must have the same passion and motivation for others to be able to build the same from their inner life to their outer life. This is my “why” and my current tool or method is this blog and the work I do to share this message with clients. My journey toward wellness (or wellbeing) is not my own, it is FOR everyone I can also influence, inspire, help, carry, and share with along the way. 

I look forward to diving into each dimension with subsequent articles and relating my future content back to these dimensions of wellness!

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I believe I am not alone in stating that 2020 hit me like a brick. 

Toward the end of 2019, I was navigating a major career change with all of the stress and separations that come along with that, and I learned I was pregnant. We moved out of our city apartment to live in our home on the East end of Long Island full time to reassess and reinvent our life as a family. 

And then, COVID-19. Life paused. Or did it?

The past year has been one long transition away from a life I thought I had perfectly designed toward…I wasn’t sure. The ensuing uncertainty and identity crisis were not completely new territory, but there was a lot more responsibility on the line with a husband, two children and one on the way. I was no longer in my teens, twenties, or early thirties when I welcomed dramatic change with great expectation, passion, and hunger. The pandemic was more like an apex to an already challenging, unplanned, and unprecedented time in my life. If I was skirting around facing the challenge square in the face, the world stopping certainly put my transition center stage with no worldly comfort available to disguise it. 

I began to write. I wrote about my experiences, things I think about, challenges I observe, and anything that seemed to strike a chord with my inside-out exploration. By April 1st, I decided to launch my blog and put my content out there. My common thread was my authentic experience. I figured if it was honest and happening in my life, at least I knew it was true and perhaps someone else may be asking the same questions, thinking the same deep thoughts, or going through a similar experience. If I wasn’t going to serve in an office I could serve through the keyboard, and it may be all I have to give in this transition from one chapter to the next. 

CHAPTERING

Perhaps it’s because I am pregnant with my third child, I’m turning 38 this year, or I’ve made it a priority to share my life with others, but I can’t help my passion to encourage a deep place of honest reflection and introspection that can open questions to lead to a more fulfilled external life. As I dove into writing this article, it became clear to me that all of those reasons make perfect sense considering the chapter of life that I am currently in. 

An exercise that has opened my introspective eyes in a new way has been to “chapter” my life into a timeline. It could also be called life-mapping. This means to proactively look at your life through the lens of stages. Stages can be five years, seven years, or a decade; whatever time frame that seems to define shifts and changes in your life over the years. I do believe there is something behind the seven-year mark for change and growth, and I can see that tendency in my own life. I see more transitions somewhere near the seven-year mark than simplifying it to decades. 

Life Map

A life map is a visual timeline. It traces key moments in your life from the time you were born until the present day. .

I believe this exercise is one that takes a seeking heart, an inner maturity to accurately reflect and be honest with yourself, and an ability to process healthily and use the learnings to move forward. In analyzing the chapters of your life, you can bring meaning as you look back, perspective as you look forward, and clarity for decisions you make today. 

LIFE TIMELINE EXERCISE

Try this mapping exercise to reflect on your life timeline up until this point. Also, consider future chapters and see the potential for the runway ahead. 

• Measure out your life to date in major chapters. I used 7-year periods. What were the highlights, accomplishments and learnings of each of your past 7-year periods?

  • Identify three to five important events of experience during each time segment. Consider positive and negative experiences, life-transforming decisions you've made, or when you first met influential people in your life.

  • Take time for personal reflection. As you note the experiences that have made up your life, you can add notes about how an event made you feel or reflections about how certain decision or experiences affected the later course of your life. Don't expect to finish your timeline all in one go. The process of creating a personal timeline takes time and consideration, and with careful reflection, you might find yourself wanting to include other experiences.

• How many 7-year periods do you have before you hit 100?

• Draw a timeline from 0 to 100 and place yourself on it. This gives you an idea of the possible length of the runway ahead.

  • Consult your timeline to plan future goals. A timeline is an excellent tool for seeing how the events of your life have shaped the present. It can also point out places in your life where you wished you had acted differently or hoped for a different outcome. 

Here is a very brief version of my life map to date just to give overarching categories of the seven-year cycles I observed. The detailed version would be a deep dive into things that don’t serve this article, although I am happy to share or discuss with anyone to serve their own mapping.

You can do this with a pen and paper. If you’re looking for a digital tool to use, here is one that works well for a more graphic, interactive and visual experience. Whatever you do, just don’t make the actual mapping more complicated than necessary. The result is the map to make you reflect, so please don’t complicate the process. 

TIMELINE REFLECTIONS

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

I’ve shared this quote before, and I have it on my “about” page on my website. It spoke to me as I navigated my early and mid-thirties. I have felt that my thirties have been the decade of unbecoming everything I spent my twenties becoming. Although, I have recently realized that I don’t fully agree with the full quote. 

The word “unbecome” connotates that what I was was wrong or not on the right path or something that shouldn’t have been. The truth is, every decade or seven-year cycle has been 100% necessary to get to where I am today. I was never inauthentic to who I was at the time. 

To expect to be “who you were meant to be in the first place” nearly suggests that we have been designed to be one identity our whole life. I am quite confident that 42-year-old me will be different and hopefully have more wisdom than 35-year-old me, and 49-year-old me will be different and have more wisdom than 42-year-old me. In embracing an inside-out wellbeing journey, I feel we need to let go of the idea that there is a destination or a “ME” that needs to be found and instead live in the fullness and purpose that has been designed for today.

Embrace chapters and embrace transitions! Change and grow!

Life mapping also brings to mind the dandelion time-lapse. I felt my twenties were represented by the yellow flower that could be perceived as “attractive" but not nourishing to myself or anyone around me. It was a self-driven, outside-in approach to life. My thirties resemble the period when the flower closes back up to prepare for its second bloom as seeds. It looks as though the flower is dying, but it is actually preparing to give more life.

As I creep toward 40, I feel like I am entering a new chapter that lends my life to be seeds for others. I have nothing to live for beyond what I can give to others. This realization has been foundational to why I began this blog and opening my life to whatever comes. 

No longer am I looking to make the outside look how I want the inside to feel. As a 37-year-old woman, I am focused on the inside work and I believe deeply that the outside results will follow.

The purity that God demands is impossible unless I can be remade within, and that is exactly what Jesus has undertaken to do through His redemption.

Oswald Chambers

FUTURE CHAPTERS

If the timeline of our lives is a journey, and the moment is what we’re supposed to focus on living to its fullest, where does that leave our vision, our goals, our dreams, our hopes, and our desires? How are we supposed to chart out potential future chapters if it’s all about HERE and NOW? 

This strain of questions sums up a lot of what I contemplated as I entered 2020. I spent years laser focused on a destination that I thought would transform the world, and then I realized it had become an idol. It had grown so massive that it eclipsed the very purpose of my journey. The vision of a destination dominated the true aim and importance of living in the moment on a faith walk anchored to a love for God and the people He has surrounded me with every moment of every day. Sacrifice for work became my god (lower case g) and the fruit of that sacrifice was a shell of a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual presence who wasn’t able to give love to anyone else. 

“I don’t want your sacrifices—I want your love; I don’t want your offerings—I want you to know me.

Hosea 6:6

THE AUTHOR OF MY STORY

My solution in looking toward future chapters is that today always carries tomorrow. I have no business worrying about what may be. I anchor my aspirations, my desires, and my goals to my faith that my steps are guided. This connects back to the Inside-Out System where our value systems are the foundation for our intentions, attention, connections and actions. Do you see how being anchored to something will transform your life? 

My lens for my future is different. I don’t seek much beyond what I know I can give now, and I will give that fully. I’m not trying to fill a future cup. Whatever my cup should be as a turn 40, 50, 60, or 70 (should I be blessed to live that long) it will be because I am living now with a thirst to be emptied out, to give my best, to love with everything that I have, and to grow in every way possible. My eyes are not set on tomorrow, they’re set on God and His tremendous love for me and every other human. That’s mission enough to fill millions of lifetimes, and I pray I will do my part in this one. 

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As I dug into research about the inner life, I found a lot of content that brought up the lack of consideration for the inner life in the business world. A lot of old content and an overwhelming amount of new. One clear effect of Covid-19 is the realization that businesses have long been out of touch with the human experience of their people. This disconnect exists between businesses and their most important shareholders - their customers, communities, and employees. (I will refer to shareholders a good bit throughout my writing, and it always means these groups unless noted otherwise.)

Through the pandemic, this disconnect either grew or shrank depending on the reaction of leadership in organizations and their ability to pivot in a reality where customers are shopping differently and may be experiencing financial stress and uncertainty, where communities are trying to navigate a new economic landscape and very difficult times for local businesses, and where employees are trying to work from home with children out of school and the constant (and confusing) threat of a lurking illness. 

On top of this, there has been an “awakening” in society to systemic racism. The effects of this have been extremely personal to each individual. The common denominator is that it should be affecting everyone, including businesses. 

I believe the capacity for a business to pivot effectively or not is based upon its leadership’s sincere and authentic connection to their shareholders. If leaders aren’t capable of connecting with the shareholders’ personal experiences, they are out of touch. There’s simply no room for being out of touch today. 

There are many positive stories about businesses pivoting to new models conducive to short-term survival along with long-term resilience and growth. Some are doing well, some are struggling, but all are facing a business mindset change. 

Rather than placing easy blame on executives and management and adding to the nonproductive narratives that already exist, I prefer to go deeper in search for a first principle. As always, my purpose is to dig into why things are the way they are and find truths that we can use to build upon for a more authentic inside-out wellbeing journey. This search brought me all the way back to the formation of the “business mind” through the Age of Enlightenment. 

HISTORY OF BUSINESS AS A SCIENCE

In the Age of Enlightenment, thinkers such as Descartes, Newton, and Rousseau sought to create a new type of Western thinking based on principles of logic and rationality. It departed from the old beliefs of magic and superstition. It created an intellectual divide between the domains of the human experience into what is now known as the Sciences, representing the physical world, and the Arts, representing the subjective world. Business thinking emerged from economics, which fell under Science. Anything related to the subjective experience of people, such as fields that involved creativity, philosophy and psychology, fell under the Arts. Enlightenment thinkers kept these two domains separate and felt that anything that fit under one could not also be under the other. 

So, if business was a science, that was all it was. 

I graduated from NYU as a Bachelor of Science because I was a business major. Even though my focus was in marketing and advertising, which are two very subjective, creative, and psychology-related fields, my degree is under the “sciences”.

WHICH BRINGS US TO TODAY

This history helps explain why business has been so scientific in its approach to the human experience over the decades. Executives consider major decisions with the baseline question "Does this equal a dollar earned or a dollar lost?” Anything that will cost the business economically must be thoroughly analyzed for its ROI, which, of course, is also measured in money. 

The science of economics has ruled the roost. Dollars are the measurement for business. It is nearly impossible to separate the human experience of the most important shareholders from the spreadsheets in the office of the CFO. 

Most executives have studied business to some degree, and higher education has been founded on the science of business with an anchor to the bottom line. There is still an extra star (or an easier path to an interview) for an MBA applicant over someone with a bachelor’s degree. Forget about an applicant with less education on their resume. Even executives who did not go to college or study business but got "in the room" through grit hold a bias toward hiring Ivy League MBAs for bragging rights and to surround themselves with the proper “minds.” (That’s a fascinating study in impostor syndrome…saving for another article.)

What does this mean as far as the system that business is operating in today? Ontological design shows us that, since the Age of Enlightenment, business has been treated as a science and that has designed a system and a mindset that we’re still operating in today; in which there is little to no room for discussions around the human experience in a business. Of course, there are talking points that get shuffled down to HR or the Diversity Officer, but that is where it stays with no real change. No board room really wants to sit down and discuss the issues affecting the wellbeing of the shareholders, that is unless we’re talking about the financial shareholders, in which case every board meeting dissects everything down to the penny. 

I am not ignorant to the fact that money exists, and it is a very real factor in owning and running a business. I am an entrepreneur, which means I have had to wear all of the hats - creative and economic. I get it. But I have also spent the last few years researching and strategizing on solutions that can connect business dollars to real people. Ultimately, we know something is broken when we find ourselves in a pandemic, among many other human issues, and businesses are crumbling because they can’t continue the science of business as usual.  

SYSTEMS ARE DIMENSIONAL

Finally, businesses are being forced to come to the realization that business is not just a science. Using first principle thinking, we can realize that every system in nature has a balance between science and the arts. Nothing in nature is simply science without the subjective value and beauty of its existence. The experience of any system in nature is the art that provides its value to the beholder. 

So, why should any system be solely a science or an art? 

Consider humans. The human brain is not only the left or the right. It is both. We are rational and irrational at the same time. We are scientific and creative. We are linear and nonlinear. Try to find one system in nature that is not a two-sided coin perfectly marrying the sciences and the arts. It is awe-inspiring. 

I would like to suggest that we are finding businesses at a crossroads where they will either survive by understanding the dichotomy of the nature of business and the human experience or they will fail. Leaders must separate themselves from the scientific discussions of the past where spreadsheets run their meetings, and they need to ENGAGE in their people. The very value of their business is a dollar spent by a human who has a desire or a need, so it is only logical to understand that is where the value is regardless. There are no dollars without human labor on the other end as Adam Smith so clearly observed in his often misquoted and misused writings “The Theory of Moral Sentiments” and “The Wealth of Nations.” I encourage everyone to read these books, as I did in previous research, to understand his true sentiments more deeply and learn that his focus was the value of people and not an invisible hand that drove economies. 

WE NEED A WAVE, NOT A RIPPLE

In recent years, we have heard key words emerge such as empathy, compassion, diversity, equality, pay gap, paid family leaves, and many more in business discussions. There is an undercurrent of these pressing issues that have continued to hit the surface, and it has even been led by some major business players, but it has only created ripples and not a wave of change. I believe that businesses have been brought to the "threshing floor" where they either authentically change and survive or not. 

Today’s most pressing issues   require more human-centered, nuanced, cross-disciplinary problem-solving strategies. Leaders are being called to have a well-rounded character with emotional intelligence capacities including intuition, empathy, compassion, and collaborative sense-making. 

Moving forward, leaders must focus on the psychological aspect of their shareholders and view them as complex individuals with emotionally driven inner lives. Without this focus, leaders will miss out on the deeper capacities and commitments of their people.  The solution is in the science and the art of business, a system where business minds are required to analyze value as a combination of business economics and the wellbeing of their shareholders.

SUMMATION

Changing systems does not happen overnight, but, as with most change, the beginning is to acknowledge the need. Businesses and leadership are made up of humans, so tapping into their own inner life journeys is the key to opening executive hearts and minds to the human experience that they themselves share in. This is why I believe the solution to most business challenges begins with the inside-out journey of the people that make up the business. When we get down to it, the only way to make sustainable, authentic, and real change is to change from the inside-out, and the inside of every business is people. 

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"Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it because it was within me, in my own perceptions, not outside.”

Marcus Aurelius

I just finished a series of articles focused on attention. Each article was framed to help us view our attention as a valuable resource that should be ours to control and manage. Whether it be in relation to our intentions, systemic issues, first principles, or our inner life, the direction we put our attention is the direction our lives will follow. 

Many of today’s discussions, concerns, and events are rightfully taking our attention and influencing our lives in extreme and unparalleled ways. It is clear we need to change systemic issues to fix major realities including (but not limited to) racial injustice and the results of an ongoing global pandemic. These large-scale issues are peeling away the blinders many people have been wearing, and attention is required so we can make the right connections and take the right actions to create change. It feels as though the world is falling apart all around us, yet, in reality, the underbelly of existing systems and subcultures that have been affecting some are now being revealed to many.

Of course, it makes me question:

How do we pay proper attention to our external environments and not completely swallow a balanced inside-out wellbeing journey? How do we ensure we have an inner life to handle an outer life that seems unjust, impossible, chaotic, and heavy? 

PROBLEM

OFF BALANCE

The world was built on many dysfunctional, irrelevant, or outdated systems that were designed by people in the past which now influence how we operate today. It can be stressful to gain awareness, to make a conscious effort to learn more, and to consider the breadth and depth of the systems creating today's issues. I have caught myself feeling stressed many times over the past few months. As I have learned to practice the search for truth and first principles, I now pause and question what is really happening internally and externally as opposed to just sitting under the weight of the stress. 

What separates me from these systems? The only reason I can state that they are putting stress on me is because they are outside of me. They are affecting my outer life, which in turn, is negatively affecting my inner life. 

Just as I mentioned in Pay Attention To Your Inner Life, the inner life works as a foundation and a compass in the midst of everything we see all around us. The same applies here. The typical narrative has been framed to make us pay attention to everything that is happening around us with no discussion about what is happening inside of us. When we feel off balance, many times we try to control our external environment. We feel as though there is a scale that is off balance due to the immense stresses we think are happening to us, but this is only focusing on one area of the true balancing act. The only way to balance everything happening in our outer life is to have a stronger inner life to hold the weight. 

You know the never-ending discussion around "work/life balance?" I would like to suggest that both of these existences are part of our outer life. Our work and what is primarily included in the term “life” in this context (marriage, children, home, etc.) are both external realities that add pressure in our outer life and weigh on our inner life. I don’t see the balancing act as a focus on equaling out the weight of these pressures. I would argue it is impossible to always be trying to balance these worlds because they’re weighing on us in the same place - our inner life. 

The only thing that can help “balance” these realities that always seem at odds with one another is to not have an inner/outer life balance that operates like a seesaw. A seesaw will always feel like a balancing act. Instead, build a foundation. If you build a house without a foundation, it will not be able to withstand every storm.

If our inner life is built like the foundation of a home, it can carry what is put on top. If the foundation is not sturdy enough, there is work to be done from the inside-out. Something is “off balance” - not in a left to right side comparison, but in a "there’s too much on top for what is built below" comparison.

In time, energy and awareness, do you spend an equal amount of time building your inner life as you do your outer life? Would you consider your inner life to be as robust, strong, and developed as your outer life? 

SACRIFICE OF INNER LIFE FOR OUTER LIFE

The hardest person to let go of is the person you spent your life becoming.

Many of us know what it is like to identify our "self” almost exclusively with who we are in our outer identity. Next time you introduce yourself to someone, notice what details you choose to share. Or notice the first questions you ask someone else. It is so ingrained in society today that asking more personalized, meaningful, or internal questions may seem odd or invasive.

Many people sacrifice their inner life for the demands of their outer life. We have become so adjusted to the outside-in lifestyle that we have no concept of how to find balance or peace in the midst of unrest and turmoil. We have become so depleted and stretched by dealing with our outer lives that there's little to no time to tend to our minds, spirits or bodies. 

To be clear, our outer lives are not frivolous. It is where we deal with the external, tangible, and essential things in life. Our outer life is where we deal with all of life's complex logistics - bills, career, family, people, government, social issues, homes, e-mails, errands, phone calls, to-do lists, responsibilities, and so on. Our outer lives hit us a million times a day, and it doesn’t help that we’re attached and connected to our iPhones and smart devices to make it even more incessant.  

We each need to function well in our outer life to be a successful human. The danger is when our outer life has sacrificed our inner life to the point of non-existence. This will perpetuate all of the potential negative aspects and pressures of what has been created through ontological design, society, and external environments. Without a well-developed inner life, we lose the capacity to internally understand and discern the consequences and value of what we should pursue in our outer life.

PHYSICAL EFFECTS

When our inner lives are not a solid foundation, it is no wonder that the outer life pressures make us unbalanced, unhappy and often sick. These pressures weigh us down and make us vulnerable to stress. Research shows that heart attacks, strokes, hypertension, diabetes, inflammation, a weakened immune system, asthma, and migraines are all linked to stress.

Unbalanced inner and outer lives can also make us revert to subconscious behaviors (many from childhood) that can damage our lives and relationships. Feelings of fear, anger, insecurity, greed, envy, etc. as well as default characteristics such as indecisiveness, submissiveness, rebellion, and self-undermining behaviors can all keep us at their mercy without clear understanding of what is truly happening underneath. Many times, this can lead to vulnerability to other outer life sources of relief such as addictions, obsessions, and false identity anchors. These can pull us completely off balance with potentially no point of return.

SOLUTION

So, how do we begin to build a foundational inner life? 

REFRAME

Begin by reframing the concept of “balance” in your mind. Rather than trying to balance all of the outer life influences, seek balance between your outer life and inner life. Understand that your private self and your public self must be in harmony to have the ability to deal with all that the outer world will entail. 

REDEFINE  

Redefine what an inner life means. It is not just yoga mats, candles, and green juice - these are methods, not first principles. It is a moral core that informs your other resources - intentions, attention, connections, and actions. Consider your inner life for its proper importance in life functionality. It is the foundation and the compass to the rest of your life. It will help you define who you are and what you’re alive to do. As you build it, you will find that you are building a state of heightened self-awareness and seeing life from a more holistic vantage point.

So give your servant a discerning heart

1 Kings 3:9

FIND THE GAPS

In many instances, there is a simple question to ask yourself: Which choice would you be more likely to feel good about at the end of your life? This will reveal gaps between your inner self and your outer self. It will reveal who you are versus what you do. 

Here is an exercise to work on shrinking your gaps:

1. Make a list of 5 to 10 of your core, internal values. (Focus on your spiritual life, emotional intelligence, empathy, gratitude, vulnerability, love, kindness, forgiveness, contributions to others, helping the oppressed, raising children with intact inner lives, a strong marriage, etc.)

2. Make a parallel list for each item on your list describing your daily actions toward those values. (How much time and energy do you spend on them in real time? What are your specific behaviors regarding each? Be detailed in your answers - note the last time you took an action aimed at nurturing those values. Don't be surprised or ashamed if you find that very few of your daily activities reflect those key values.)

3. Assign a number from 1 to 5 measuring the gap between each value and your behavior. (1 representing a minimal gap; 5, the maximum)

4. Identify the largest gaps. Now think about how your inner values could redirect your outer life choices in those areas. What would you have to do to bring the inner you in synch with the outer you? What can you commit yourself to doing?

5. Write it all down and set a reasonable time frame for reducing your gaps.

UNDERSTAND WE ARE A COMPLEX SYSTEM 

“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.”

Albert Einstein

Our rational minds tend to dismiss what’s going on inside of ourselves. By trying to solely focus on reason and logic, it quiets our most profound heartfelt desires, our imaginations, and our deepest fears. As in any system, we are a complex, interdependent network of processes. We are not simply a “left brain” system. By understanding that our minds alone are a complex mix of logical and creative thinking, we should know that we shouldn’t neglect one part. If we don’t pay attention to our holistic system, we will miss the totality of who we were designed to be. 

The rational mind can only comprehend that which is tangible. Imagine all that would be lost if we continued to only focus on the tangible aspects of life! 

Using the Inside-Out System, we can see that our outer life is dependent upon our inner life, and, then, the mechanism is open both ways. But our inner life is similar to our heart; we can’t live without it. Your outer life can only be as healthy as your inner life. There is no exceeding your inner life with a plentiful outer life. 

DON’T REQUIRE A TRAGEDY

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Viktor E. Frankl

Have you ever had to face a sudden illness or has someone you love become ill or died? The first thing that boils to the surface is the existence or the lack thereof an inner life. Failing health is a fast test to reveal what has been built inside. No matter what your outer life has amounted to, it can never redeem or replace the misfortune of losing your life or the life of someone you love. It is out of your control, so you can’t use money, a career, material possessions, or social standing to fix it. 

It is wise to be able to see the value of your inner life before hitting a wall. But sometimes that is what is necessary to truly see beyond what the world offers our outer lives. 

THE TIME IS NOW

Since our inner life is intangible and less measurable or visibly profitable, we often think of it as a luxury that can be indulged in at a future time. We tell ourselves we wish we had time for “self-care” such as sleep, exercise, eating healthy, prayer, etc., but those things are only available when we have more money, freedom, and time. 

Let me suggest that there may be things operating in your outer life that are taking your resources from your inner life. My attention series hopefully shines a light on the value and possibilities of shifting your attention to what will truly advance your inner life as opposed to feeding the systems we are operating in. It also helps to focus on a more minimalistic lifestyle to find freedom through the release of the influence of “things” controlling your life. 

The value of a healthy and robust inner life should dominate all other priorities and distractions. The time is now.

SEEK WISE INPUT

When you prioritize your inner life, you understand that you have a relationship with yourself, you have some knowledge of who you are and some knowledge of what you need in order to contribute to your greatest capacity. Through vulnerable and honest self-examination, you can grow in awareness of your strengths and weaknesses and have a foundational knowledge to build upon.

An inside-out journey opens your life to input from others, and rightfully so. We are not islands on these journeys. We need one another, and we need the stories, learnings, wisdom and community of others to build upon. My caution is to understand that God created you and your unique journey to be your own blueprint. None of us are carbon copies of others. The right and left turns of someone else’s path may not work for your journey to build a healthy inner life. 

There are also many “gurus” who are not seeking your benefit. If you connect with a teacher, be sure that your relationship is built on a non-profitable desire for your development and respect for your individual journey. Just as a good doctor listens to you speak about your body or a good therapist listens more than they speak, someone who is trying to help someone else on an inside-out journey should be humble, loving, respectful, and cautious with their input. If money is a key factor in your relationship or if there is any sense that they require you to submit your will to their way of thinking, I would recommend walking (or running) the other way.

I have read dozens of books, I have been close to some of the most respected “self-help” gurus in the world, and I have worked with corporate cultures that sold a concern for people, and I have learned that these sources could never be "the source" for my inner life or anyone else’s. 

Going back to first principle thinking, I would recommend seeking a much deeper source as a foundation for your input. For me, Jesus is my source for what my inner life should resemble. Outside of religion and any human representation of his character, the Bible reveals His character perfectly and clearly. There are a few pastors who I have found to show a deep dedication to Jesus’ teaching: Tim Keller has been a constant source for me and I love his podcast. There are many, many other amazing pastors and teachers. I encourage everyone to seek input that feeds your inner life. I am happy to also provide more suggestions!

SUMMATION

I hope this content hasn’t overwhelmed but has inspired you to consider exploring your inner life. It is a practice. It is a journey. It is never-ending, but it also brings so much joy.

Just begin. 

I guarantee that once you begin to focus on your inner life, your outer life will gain clarity that you may have never had before. Priorities will shift and relationships will alter, but the one thing that will be constant is change. Growth requires change. Stay the path! 

"Change is inevitable. Growth is optional."

John C. Maxwell

This topic could be expounded upon in many directions. I already have a couple of new articles that started through the process of writing this, and I look forward to sharing them soon!

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